Parisian cobblers Adieu are rarely without a collaboration or four on the go. Insatiably creative? Or simply a reflection of French attitudes to fidelity? Difficult to say, but right now Adieu are enjoying a ménage with Undercover, Etudes and Très Bien.

The latest brand to catch Adieu’s roving eye is Kickers and together they’ve sired an unearthly burgundy hybrid. Both parents are acutely visible in the mix.

I think it’s their work with Très Bien that most frequently delivers the goods. Check out the hairy madness at the top of the page. Those aren’t shoes, they’re pets. But pets you can wear. Which in my book makes them 1000% more useful than any other pet.

Personally I cannot fathom why anyone would want to share their home with an animal of any kind. The closest I would go would be a pair of furry shoes. They exhibit the external characteristics of a mammal, yet require no feeding or walking and zero attention — which by happy coincidence is precisely the amount of attention I have spare. At no point during wear will they stop of their own accord and do a public shit. So I’ll never have to put on a thin rubber glove and knead a sloppy log of hot feculence into a carrier bag. An act that has to be in my top one things I never want to do.

So yeah, they’re non shitting, insentient shoes. You won’t get any love from their chunky crepe sole or Italian style Blake construction, but then do pets really love, or are they just hankering after another bowl of chicken flavoured shapes?

In my experience Adieu shoes are initially quite stiff. They say they’re, “structured with the comfort of sneakers.” But in the past mine have needed a fair bit of breaking in. I also find they come up slim, so I’d recommend sizing up. That said, they’re beautifully made and sufficiently chunky to sit comfortably within a wardrobe of Japanese utilitarian bagginess.

I’ve frequently enjoyed a hairy shoe and will continue to do so. A good alternative are these Paraboots, or if you’re looking for something with a more subtle nod to the animal kingdom, Adieu x Très Bien also offer these bearded loafers.

As I expect I’ve made clear, a pair of shoes like this is the closest I’ll get to owning an animal. And I’m sorry if you’re a pet person. I just don’t get it. The smell, the hairs, the fleas, the ticks, the barking, the meowing, the litter trays, the inconvenience, the cost, and for what? What’s the return? I don’t see the upside. I mean come on… love? I can find love within the pages of a great novel, a song, friends, family. I don’t need to spend my time spooning mashed-up lungs into some creature’s hairy beak.