This morning’s helpful email from Mr Porter was titled, “A foolproof guide to wearing shorts.” I haven’t read it. But I do wonder who needs a foolproof guide to wearing shorts?” My guide for wearing shorts is broadly:
- Buy some shorts you like.
- Make sure they’re the right size. (This rule can be applied to all clothing.)
- Choose a day that isn’t freezing.
- Make sure you have one leg in each leg hole. If you find you have a giant bottomless pocket on one side, you’re doing it wrong.
- Fasten the fly so no one can see your knob.
- Congratulations, you are wearing some shorts.
I expect the Mr Porter guide goes on to explain the right shorts to wear to the Glyndebourne Festival. But I’ve also found that it’s possible to choose and wear shorts entirely free of pseudo-aspirational marketing.
This top is not shorts. But arguably it requires a bit of a head-scratch before use. Those shapes on there? I think they’re trees. Or roots. If you zoom in you can see a worthy factoid about old trees. Unsurprising, as this piece comes from the ecological consciousness of Phipps — a brand launched in 2017 focused around compassion and mindfulness for the natural world.
It’s a bold piece this. Organic cotton jersey, boxy fit, three-button pop-over, straight cuffs; there are a couple of concealed pockets on the front, as well as an elasticated hem. You can grab this over at Très Bien for a pretty startling (in a bad way) amount of money.
Unfortunately they’re not giving much away around how you might choose to wear it. Their model appears to be teaming it with his office trousers. Which is fine for bro as problematically handsome as him. The less genetically blessed might want to try some loose cut denim. Or a modern cargo. Or even a pair of shorts. Just remember, ‘two legs, two holes’ and you’ll be fine.