What happens when an avant garde label does utilitarianism? To find the answer I’ve exhaustively looked at this shirt for two minutes. And I can report that what happens is pockets. Pockets happen. And normal pockets too. Not some arty, but utterly impractical re-imagining of a pocket – one with say, no bottom, so stuff just falls out on the floor, or one that’s an upside down hexagon, with no opening, so it’s really just a shape, but a really arty one, that probably means something. No, this Comme des Garcons offering has just got four big pockets, which is a bit disappointing really.

Like anyone, when I reach for Comme des Garcons obviously the last thing I want is a functional garment. I want to feel intellectually inferior to a shirt. I want it to be asymmetrical, ill-fitting and feature a preponderance of impractical whimsy. I want to have to tug at it awkwardly, as it rides up through wear. I want a selection of nonsensical, inoperable features. I want to not understand it. And I want to spend £342 pounds for the privilege.

Hang on. Looking again, I see the ‘hand-warmer’ pockets are at the top, while the oversized, but more traditional patch pockets are underneath. So if you think about it, anyone wanting to use the ‘hand-warmer’ pockets as ‘hand-warmer’ pockets would have to curl their arms right up and walk around as though doing a crude impression of a chicken. Brilliant. I take everything I just wrote back. Leave it to Comme to really challenge the all too divisive issue of ‘hand-warmer’ pockets. Important work.