This week I’ve uncooled myself a number of times. I ordered a cocktail in a scenester bar, bent down to pick up my bag and forcefully struck my forehead on the bar. Customers and bar staff looked at me. I picked up my cocktail and walked away like nothing had happened, my eyes tearing up.

A day later, I was in Garbstore buying a jacket. The server handed me the bag, I reached down to pick up my rucksack and banged my forehead hard on her laptop screen. She asked if I was okay. I said ‘yes’. I hurriedly left. In some pain. I don’t know what the fuck’s going on.

To cap it off, I printed some promotional stickers for this blog. I stuck one on the toilet door of a local bar. It looks like it says rampboy.cum. I’m killing it this week.

It’s almost certainly our galactic overlord telling me, ‘I’m too steez’. I’ve been swagging too much kit and getting too big for my Yukatans. I’ve been poncing about too many bars thinking I’m Lord Booty. Space God has decreed I need to be reminded that I’m just a bellpiece with an overpriced patchwork cardigan. Job done Jesus man. You’ve truthed me with two lumps on my head and an homoerotic advert for my blog.

Best to get back to basics and take a look at some ‘sensibly’ dope Beams Plus A/W 14 garms. It’s the usual preppy Ivy League through a Japanese blender vibe, no major surprises. But you’ve got to love the layering, the silhouettes and the popping autumnal colour palette. The trousers are key for me, loosely cut, pleated and cropped. Check the malarkey…

The turned up cords are savageness. Oi Polloi are stocking a big Beams Plus range this season and while you won’t see all the pieces here for sale, there are some other murderous bits in their cache. Check the popover Cord Anorak, this should fly. Get all over the full Beams range here.

I’m staying away. I need our Holy Emporor to see my penitence. I reckon my shame must be clear, so he’ll swing his laser eyes onto another pompous swagmaster. I’ll go and buy a shirt from Zara. That should shut him up.