I don’t like thinking about men’s feet. I don’t like seeing them. Which at this time of year, with the sun blistering is impossible. There are fucking Velcro-strapped, pale, hairy gibbon feet stomping all over London. I hate men’s feet. I hate being forced to put them in my mouth. Not that I have. But I would. I fucking really would.

So it’s best to cover them up. In socks. In these socks.

Kaptial is a leading Japanese selvedge denim brand. It kicked off in 1984 by designer Toshikiyo Hirata. The denim and design in general is on fire. And their socks leave even Comme des Garcons’ in the dust. These aren’t no Urban Outfitters Happy Sock shit. These are 84 and 96 thread masterpieces. The patterns are lunatic – clashing and irrational. As though scribbled by a child’s mind – albeit one encased in the skull of a middle-aged Japanese man.

Personally, I think these would look mad-power with Birkies or some such right about now. They’re so swag, you wouldn’t even want to cover them up in shoes. Either way, they’re far more tasteful than having a bro’s fingery fucking hooves on display. I hate men’s feet. And their bums. And knobs. And lips.