Socks really are, very much, socks aren’t they? They’re not, for the sake of argument, something that isn’t socks. A parka can protect your ass from hail. A suit can get you a job. A blazer can bamboozle a naive woman into thinking you’re a grown up.  But socks, socks just is.  Socks just, kind of, be. And what they mostly be, is 20 quid.

I can’t remember when I first counted out 20 gold pieces for a set of gentleman’s hose. But I know I’ve dropped around that on Beams Plus, Irish Cottage Socks and Folk. And every time I do, I think, ‘these bad boys are game changers’. I believe – quite strenuously – that a single pair of socks, when deployed with the right look, in effect, becomes the look. I think some socks are so important, so unique that they can carry a bro’s entire vibe.

And yet, as fervently as I believe this, I also know it is complete nonsense. At best (assuming you give your jeans or chinos a hefty roll) people will casually notice your socks. And, even assuming some kind of off the charts, ‘this shit never happens’, outer-space space style, photon powered ‘best’… someone might say, “uh… nice socks.”. Thatsfuckingit.

Socks will not save a wack look. They are a low tier commodity. On most sites they’re grouped with accessories. They’re in with the tie-slides, billfolds and those fucking jazzamatazz, metal armband things that hold shirt sleeves up. Socks suck.

Apart from these socks.

And these…

These are the best socks I’ve ever seen. You could be wearing a shitty, shiny, shitty TopMale v-neck, your dead Dad’s trousers and these socks and the beautiful babies be wanting to inhale your moves. With these socks, a man could quite literally rule the world. And by quite literally, I mean, at the very least, a Harvester Carvery on a quiet Thursday. They’re by Kapital. They are from the ‘Denim Men Love Cats’ collection. And they cost 32 gold pieces. You can get them here.

Just as an aside… during my exhaustive research around these socks, I turned up this mesmerizing  image of the Kapital chickwear collection.

Now that is the kind of ‘100% denim jumpsuit party’ a bro rocking those socks should be attending. I’m assuming my invite was lost in the mail.