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Looking for a badger’s mound

So do you like trees and that? You know, woodlandy, badgery, twigs and sticks and bracken and stuff? It’s great isn’t it. All that fresh air and ponds. Fishing, hiking around, making traps for small animals, skinning them, cooking them over a fire, hiding in a tent, waiting for lone ramblers to murder with a pair of shears. Fabulous.

Can’t stand it myself. I don’t like the outside. As far as I’m concerned forests were just all man had to play with until the internet was invented.  And now that it has, I never have to go to one. I can just Google pictures of forests if I want. Although I never do. Why the fuck would I? These shoes look woodlandy. I’d probably wear them. But not in the woods. Just down to Lidl and back.

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