I call into question the historicity of the tie-waist trouser. I reckon their association with creaky old bros, mobility aids and weeping catheters is a myth. I prefer to consider them the choice of the radical. The sort of dude for whom fiddling a belt through belt loops is squandering precious genius time. A dude of spirit, industry and learning, who finds managing the hum-drum mechanism of a zip fly, simply steals moments from deliberation, analysis and action. Whether he has a fully operational penis, is neither here nor there.